Overindulgence? Is it Possible? I Fear It May Be...

It's a strange morning for me.

Firstly, as a long time fan of M.A.S.H, I am saddened to hear of the passing of Loretta Swit.

If you have never heard her interviewed, she was witty, interesting and very gracious, speaking fondly and highly of her fellow cast members. I think that only Alan Alda & Jamie Farr remain now... Ah me, but I feel old.

But, what has really hit me is a feeling I cannot shake that I may have reached a sort of miniature-amassing 'critical mass' situation, bordering on burn out.

I collect large armies as you know, and I always have. Yesterday I was unpacking 1700+ 15mm Mike's Models Crusades figures. They are gorgeous little models, being much larger than the norm, along the lines of Tin Soldier.

It took me 2 and a half hours, standing in a stooped position, carefully unwrapping, rebending and repairing as I went.

About two box files into the process, I was filled with a sense of absolute disinterest in wargaming, with such a ferocity rthat it caught me completely blind-side. I was a little upset, to say the least.

I sort of looked at the 7x4 dining table which is covered at present with a mix of figures in all scales and for several genres. I just don't have the time to get it all based and boxed up, and the memsahib is faced with wrapping 2000 25mm figures for me, which means I am on the razor's edge so to speak, although my wife is a large hearted sould and I do cover her 'costs' for the time she freely gives. Indeed, today I shall be buying her a rather nice Japanese Maple for her services to wargaming.

But, the fact remains, I looked down at the table yesterday afternoon, and wondered in all honesty, how long I can or will want to go on adding to the collection; how many times will I want to go through the whole wrapping and unwrapping 'dance'.

Such are the gadfly ways of the wargamer.

I wonder if I should have taken up something like golf instead?

Of course not, because then wargaming would no have my effervescent and erudite presence would it? And who am I to deny the right of a few people to have a damn good bitch about my opinions whilst ignoring the fact that nobody makes the come to this blog...

Still, I wonder if more people than I have felt a similar 'switch' going off internally and thought, 'I pretty much have enough now'.

But I truly think that 2025 has seen me throw myself into the hobby way too hard, in terms of acquisitions. It's not a question of cost, because I plan and fund everything somewhat meticulously - often to the exact number of miniatures, in the most cost-effective way (in fact I am currently looking at 4  surplus packs of Perry figures and considering whether I should buy two command packs to make them viable units, or just move them along. Of course the former makes sens, but then I will be obliged to likewise increase the opposing army.)

My wife returned from her mum's last night and I told her that once I have completed the current projects and acquire the two 15mm renaissnce projects - that's it! Even my beloved fantasy collection is now permanently closed to new admissions, so I know it's a serious decision and not my usual passing 'funk'. It feels emotionally akin to when you know you have eaten your fill of something good, but then you walk into the kitchen and see some left, that will iotherwise go to waste. You indulge, and then a few minutes later, you know true remors, true suffering, over satisfaction of both body and soul.

It's been, as some of you will know, heading my way for a while now. I am 57 and my life is almost over. That fact has sobered me somewhat and I think it may be behind all this. 

I have so much more I can explore in gaming, but nowhere near the time required, and the emotion has increasingly become 'why bother?'

I think I am also reacting to the way the traditional, the core, the fundametal aspects of the wargaming hobby - the massed battles, the small dedicated businesses, the variety of manufacturers and above all the feel of wargames shows - are dissolving, I think never to return.

The newer shows feel like cosplay events or toy collector's shows, the older shows are trying to change what they already for the most part, do well, to become more like these newer shows, which to not only my eye, are now looking less inclusive than they claim and becoming merely venues to buy crappy 3D printed junk, cuddly toys and dice (don't get me started on fucking cupcakes - not something I've tried, but who knows? It's all about experience after all, but I remember honey in my pubes less than fondly,  I fear butter icing may be just as unpleasant).

So, for the foreseeable future, I have placed an embargo on adding anything beyond the stuff mentioned above. Let's see if 12 months of simply getting my house in order, less time at unsatisfying shows and more time playing, brings me back to my senses, or perhaps heralds the start of what I shall call my 'final phase'. After all, 45+ years is a long time to be so immersed in anything. 

I dont't feel sad about it, more baffled that I should feel so bloody indifferent.

TTFN