Martha! Pass the ammunition and go fetch my micrometer from the den!

 I have a reputation for being a heretical contrarian, something I can live with because, let's face it, three score years and ten of being predictable and catholic in ones tastes, actions and opinions is boring. 

That said, I do have exactly the same breakfast every day that I partake of that meal, which I suppose could itself be seen as being contrarian, but I like it. I even eat it in the same order and, suffer  the same sense of shame which John Laycock experience when caught having a crafty wank upstairs in the stock room of his Saturday job, employers in about 1983, being fired and then being unable to cover it up so to speak, because half of our school seemed to work at the same shop on a Saturday.

Of course, I didn't sully myself with going out to work at weekends, choosing rather to paint on a couple of evenings and earn more at the age of 14 than I did in my first couple of jobs, straight out of school.

Wargamers are really funny about contrarian views or any perceived mockery of their oh-so-serious pastime, and every so often I will give someone a damn good cardio workout by posting a commant which, will get some reaching for the gun rack or riding crop, usually because they have no concept of irony or tomfoolery.

For example:

 "Reenactors in assorted scales and from various manufacturers, proving that you can mix your figures in your armies."

 A tongue in cheek reversal of the usual hackneyed argument about the mixing of manufacturers or older and newer models. Last time I checked, reenactors did not come in scales, nor were they manufactured, but as usual, the angry brigade didn't read the comment properly nor saw the irony, but immediately - in the first comment - ranted and roared about figures of different sizes being OK, but not the weaponry or kit.

I pointed out the implied irony and added to the heady atmosphere of brewing indignation, with a comment that whilst it was an iroonic, light hearted post, I didn't have a problem with mixed units, and would leave that to those with a condition which forced them to take a micrometer to every belly box. 

The cat really got interested with the pigeons, and the tirade ramped up a little. Not quite a full on vomit, but the metaphorical taste of sick in the back of the throat.

One or two people did get the fun and commented  in a similarly silly way to the original post, which brightened my day.

"Does it really matter with toys?' got that damned cat slaughtering every last pigeon and the vomit and bile flowed freely as the original commentor let fly with a few hundred words, which I confess, I skimmed over because by now, I was certain that the EMT would be called, or he'd reach for the gun rack and line up all his local gamers and have them display every army as, like Patton, he inspected them, dispatching anyone whose miniatures were not identically proportioned.

On a serious note, I do find that the American wargamers are a lot more uptight about the whole scale thing, with the odd Australian, when I say 'odd' I... Oh never mind.

Although the English do have a particular style of repressed rage. I think it's our ingrained sexual repression ay the root of it. 

I remember as a kid that Matchbox rereleased the Mobile Action Command range of action figures, replacing the slim older figures with giants, with the physiques of quarterbacks or 1970s British wrestlers. Oddly they still fitted the vehicles due to freakishly proportioned lower bodies, but they gave the same play value.

Admittedly, the 'Big Guys' did eventually try to stage a coup and I got hours of play from fighting an ongoing assault on the MAC Mountain Headquarters as they sought to oust the ancient regime.

To be honest, I genuinely don't have a really big issue with mixed figure sizes, as when you have 1500 figures on a table, nicely painted it all just melts together like toppings on a pizza. Stand back, look and hey, it's a pretty game with pretty toys.

I love it when a scale Nazi starts to foam at the ass about size, or 'purity of scale' particularly when they say '28mm scale' or '25mm scale' because as well know, those are not scales, unless we are saying that the mm equate a to a unit of measurement. In traditional modelling parlance, the average 6 foot figure would be 168mm tall, but this misuse often escapes the ranters. 

It amazes me, and I am as guilty as the next hominid, as to how the hobbies whish I think attract more than the average share of those on the autism spectrum - again, I include myself there, so hush - and how we collectively generally get by until the damn bursts and the flame wars begin, until the collective emotional state calms down.

Really, we should be forced to display government health warnings on all those hobbies we are drawn to.

No doubt one day, I'll be found hanging from a bridge somewhere with pockets stuffed with perfectly identical figures, bullet wounds and a micrometer stuffed up my ass (Made in the USA)

On a more serious note, if you can't enjoy playing with little lead dollies, just for the sheer pleasure of being allowed to do so without scorn from society at large, maybe golf is the answer.

I mean there's so much there you can rant about...

 

TTFN

 

PS: If you have been emotionally triggered by any of the preceding article, just deal with it.  

PPS: No reenactors were harmed in the writing of this post.

PPPS: If you ever drooled over the erquisite dioramas of Gabriel Mikaj, did you know that he freely mixed HO scale Airfix plastics with Hinchcliffe 25mm metals on the same diorama?