Of Rats & Wasted Lives

 Having finished work, I've just made my way down to the bottom of the two back gardens, to check the state of play with the rat traps I've been forced to use, since the allotments beyond the woods at the rear were closed, forcing the twitchy-nosed little bastards to sponge from gardens. 

I have bought some rather effective and lethal to rat neck and human hand alike which  today have made the lower garden look like a genocide trial at the U.N.

Three of the little buggers were martyred; two neatly disconnected from mortality with the traps, but the third, laid on it's side with no apparent injury. I presume that, having witnessed two of the family butchered, it staggered away, clutching it's little chest, expiring next to another trap. What a drama-rodent.

I've been mulling on whether, given my time all over again, I'd bother with wargaming/roleplaying.

And the answer is no, I'd probably not.

Why?

Well, frankly, since aged 12 when it got serious for me, I have literally lived for, and with, gaming 365 days a year, missing oportunities, wasting my life and living the life of a complete slacker.

Looking back, I really did throw myself into gaming in a way that nobody I have ever met has done. Nothing else mattered and, even to this day, I  can be discussing something serious and 'adult' only to get onto wargaming, never to return to the original topic.

There's a part of me which knows that something's amiss there, but it's two late to undo any damage.

My Grandad dying in hospital - Phalanx in St.Helens first, and then as an afterthought, one final visit to the hospital to say my goodbyes.

Of course, I went to the funeral... Only no, I didn't, choosing instead to go and open up Dungeons & Starships as if it was any other day.

Dad died... Worked as normal, then ordered a couple of armies, popped out for the funeral and then back to work.

Mum... Pretty much the same, only after the funeral as various mourners went home, I was talking wargames again. I guess people would have thought it odd if I hadn't.

Had a great job in the Civil Service - quite a few actually - until one morning I decided I was bored, quit on the spot and went home, finding my long suffering wife on a day off, who, when I was questioned was informed that I was going to paint full time, which I've done since 2011.

In the 90s, I was almost bankrupted through running Dungeons & Starships at the time the the TSR implosion, almost wiping out the RPG retail industry. That nearly also finished me off - as some will be pleased to read - but I am a stubborn bastard, thus cheating so many from that little warm schadenfreude glow.

When I look at what I could have seriously achieved but for the fact that wargaming has been the only thing I have really had any interest in or drive to pursue, I do feel a bit ashamed.

However, on the other hand, I have lived a life that many other gamers dream of, being fortunate that my wife became a gamer of some repute and who, has a reputation with other wargaming friends for straightening me out - although she really shouldn't have to, but there you go.

I find myself being far more self-critical and reappraising my life. I suppose I could possibly have been a bit nicer too, but probably not, because of my life experiences.

I was christened and baptised at birth and should not, all things considered and being equal I should not have made it, but I did, and therefore I can only assume that either I was intended to do something, or perhaps learn the errors of my previous life's ways, in which case, I think I've.

The one thing I have is more stories, experiences and anecdeotes involving some of the most influential people in the early to mid years of the hobby, than you can shae a rigormortified rat at, so perhaps what I consider a waste, was actually my appointed role this time around. Perhaps...

Well, it's Partizan this weekend, so I will sign off now, because before I go in a hall with people who've not had their shots, and given how this year's flu and COVID is shaping up, I'm not taking any chances in a cattle shed full of devilish vapours and noxious particles dressed in cargo pants, and so I need to go get the 2026 arm assegai...

 

TTFN