Sunday, 1 April 2018

British Army To Introduce New Rations

British Army to appeal to the disaffected Millennial generation

In a move to encourage more of the Hipster Generation to sign up to serve Queen and Country the British army are to introduce the so-called 'Millennial Ration Pack' (or MRP as a leaked Whitehall paper has it).

A sample 1 day ration will contain:

Breakfast and Snacks:
Rice crackers
Marmite (or not)
Avocado Puree (Ripened) In Light Fresh Olive Oil Liquid (supplied under contract by Waitrose)
Vegetarian sausages and beans with the beans removed
Transformers shaped pasta

Vegetable pate using organic root vegetables (no green vegetables will be used)
Organic artisan rye and spelt bread slices x 2
Low sodium, ethically made Minestrone soup (with the bits all the same size because , like, equality is implant , alright?)
20g bag Cheetos


Free range Quorn cutlet
Dehydrated French Fries (Maris Piper)
Petit Pois - hand picked in Norfolk
Organic artisan tomato ketchup
Vegetarian Chilli (
Cadburys Mini Rolls x 6

Drinks and Extras
Low fat rapeseed spread (although for PC reasons this may end up being gender neutral virgin olive oil based)

Toilet paper made from recycled materials

Disposable lighter using sustainable bio fuel
Powdered hot chocolate - 80% Fairtrade cacao
Rainforest assured decaffeinated coffee powder
Organic soy milk powder
Hand blended tea leaves from a election of types
1 litre of Coke/Pepsi or Mountain Dew
1 litre energy drink
Chocolate bar - again 8-% cacao from organic and Fair-trade sources
Dehydrated single estate Pinot Noir x 2 servings

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