Nobody Make Any Sudden Moves & We May All Get Away From This Post Intact!

At last, I have returned, although it's a little touch and go because I picked up a rather vicious chest infection which laid me so low that I managed just over an hour at the Recon show in Pudsey last weekend before having to almost crawl to the car and beg my wife to take us home. On Sunday I coughed so hard that I have either torn something in my stomach or caused a hernia which is great fun - honestly.

And then, on Friday I had to go back to see the G.P with the mother of all swelling in the glands under my ears. I was heard to quip that at least it couldn't be mumps as I had them aged 13 or 14. I was then informed that you can catch them again and in fact at the tender age of 51, I have mumps!

BASTARD!

However, I am still working as normal and will continue to do so, despite being told to get bed rest.

I have not done much actual gaming of late as I've been so busy at work what with Christmas being just around the corner, but I have been discussing gaming plans with Roger and my brother.

We have decided that we will do what we always did, and not limit ourselves to one scale because there are some periods which just demand one scale over all others, maybe because they simply look better or because like Roger and I with our rather unnatural enthusiasm for Mike's Models 15mm Renaissance. Let's be frank here, you are insane if you don't get at least warm and fuzzy in the trousers when you see one of those squat, chunky yet oh, so beautiful little fellas.

Vietnam has to be 20mm because that is the scale the gods handed down unto man for the purpose of modern gaming. Again, you may wish to try to argue, but are surely damned to hell if you do...

So, we have decided on 15mm for Renaissance, with a definite nod to the East; so far so that I am looking at the Army of Calcutta which, under Gush rules is 900 or so infantry and around 20 elephants. Mike's Models are wonderful when it comes to most Renaissance armies, but let me tell you that their Indian and Ottoman models are even better.

We've also discussed whether we should go with WSS or Great Northern War in 28mm. Having agreed that WSS is really a little more mainstream than martinets like us could ever tolerate, GNW is the direction we will go.

28mm Ancients are also strangely enough, gaining some traction, and in fact I paid almost £500 for what looked to be a nice Succesor army but which upon delivery was quite badly damaged due to piss poor packing and maybe a helping boot from a seasonal employee of Royal Mail, upset at having to miss the work's Christmas party due to a staff shortage on the loading dock. Therefore, those models are now on the way back to the sender.

Oh well...

Now, I mentioned before that I have been mulling various things over, and one of those burning questions is 'where are all the quality second hand armies?'

You used to be able to walk into a bring and buy at a show, and there'd be sometimes hundreds of painted armies. These days, all you seem to find in 99.9 percent of the boxes on the stall is absolute crap. Then, when you do find an army (and by this I mean a few hundred figures, not a fucking general and his 12 best drinking buddies) it's probably a badly researched and executed force made up of Warlord Games plastics, which should be considered to constitute some egregious breach of  fundamental human rights.

Now, you'll have leaped cougar-like from your seat and screamed at the monitor that it's obvious where the armies are - eBay!

But you would be wrong because let me tell you, there are a LOT of old armies out there and they are not appearing on eBay, nor do they seem to be in the possession of the shar.. I mean dealers.

Could it be then that the trade in miniatures of quality and long standing is a thing of the past? The only place that I see a reasonable number of armies is at the Britcon event in Manchester every August, but that too has been the proverbial 'dry hole' for the last couple of years.

Oh, and a word on the traders who effectively gang rape the bring and buys - FUCK OFF! You are parasites who have few if any manners one arsehole (who for now will not have his picture posted here and in other locations) pushed my wife so firmly that she nearly fell over.

She sensibly told me once said aresehole was out of reach, but rest assured, I will certainly be biding my time and you sir, will have a rather red face when I judge the time right and the event public enough!

Anyway, it is my belief that either wargamers are not selling their stuff, or the dealers who pay them a pittance are adding the good stuff to their own collections and passing off the dregs.

It's becoming increasing the case, that I take a 4 figure sum with me to shows for some serious retail action and spend absolutely nothing. Now, I accept that Recon is the Accrington Stanley 2nd team of Wargames shows these days, but they either need to get some big hitters and manufacturers in that hall or their days are numbered. There is only so much recycled tat and only so many stalls selling the same GW & Warlord stuff that any show can support before it sinks like pebble on quicksand. You saw this gradual eating away at the standard of stands at Triples over the years and similarly you started seeing traders not turning up at all.

I know and accept that the market has changed, but there are solid traders out there who won't go to a show because it costs them money. Then they moan that their models don't seem to be as popular... Well duh!

Treat shows as a showcase for your wares. If you are a company like Essex with a strong range and even stronger history of delivering quality models, get out there and show these new boys how it's done. Don't pull up the drawbridge  and don't try to remedy falling sales with a price rise. If you don't sell enough of a given range - PROMOTE IT!

I know of several traders who do a few select shows, but they accept that they are going to be spending that valuable money on real time advertising. People will be talking to them, and they in turn will listen. What's more they can show potential clients the quality of their wares. Remember a toy soldier in the hand can have as much effect as a quick one off the wrist!

Boy, am I on one today... But folks, you know me, I have to say it as I see it for better or worse.

And so to magazines... 'Oh dear', I hear you say...

I have bought two glossy magazines for the first time in years, as I thought that sitting on the sofa with my swollen glands (or 'hamster cheeks' as some cheeky scamp described my condition in an email) would be made more pleasurable by a good read.

Well, I am not going to point fingers or name names, but boy, the quality of the articles in magazines has in many cases slipped like the G string on a drunk lass. Needless to say, I'm not going to be buying any magazines again.

Having read a decent article in The Guardian online this week, (and Roger having sent it to me at the same time I was putting a link in a mail to he) on the history of music in Sheffield in the late 70 through the 80s, I ordered a 4 disc set with a few well known bands on it, but also a lot of the unsigned and forgotten bands who were on the go in my early years in the hobby, and who in many cases were very good indeed. I recall that 'Artery' always appeared on the same bills as the more successful 'Pulp' and 'The Maus Maus' were a damned fine punk outfit. I will be the first to say that if you simply pop in a disc and think you'll sing along, you'll be disappointed, but, if you treat it as a sort of musical road map of the later years of the Cold War in Sheffield, you'll have a really good time indeed. It actually got me remembering how the days used to go each week and how I'd see those bands on posters in particular areas of the city as I made my way from one gaming orientated activity to another. In fact, knowing a few of the names of the bands, could stop you getting a kicking. Chased by older punks on The Gallery having visited the wonderful Hopkinsons Toys, when asked 'What's a fuckin' ' hippy doing up 'ere?'

You made your saving throw and morale test and then asked if they knew 'Sid' or 'Flobb' and they invariably did. You told them you were getting into punk and were growing the hair for the mother of all Mohawks and for good measure ask if they preferred the Mau Maus to The Exploited and they sort of lost interest in giving you a kicking. What's more, the next time they saw you run past, chased by Skinheads from the opposite end of The Gallery, they may just step on up and defend your scrawny young arse.

It strikes me that today's kids don't live in the same types of tribes as we did. There are arguably youth cultures, but they are not as varied and we really had to know where our towel was at all times. I think this is/was reflected in gaming, because whilst there are still multiple periods, the number of periods and scales seem to be shrinking and people are either this or that type of player.

I prefer to play what takes my fancy and fortunately can do that to a greater degree these days. I think that there are a lot of people who should perhaps be thinking of taking up a cheaper hobby such a golf of motor racing, because  they rarely complete and army and often what they call an 'army' is the same number of figures that us old sweats would consider a battalion.

Seriously ladies, stop buying every new rule set and figure craze. Concentrate on a couple of periods which interest you and then read, read and read until you understand the period and tactics. Then buy a reasonable facsimile of an army of the era. Foe ECW for instance, you can have a great game with 3-4 units of foot, the same of horse, a gun and a few Dragoons. Then when you have a feel for the period expand those armies. Don't buy every plastic box set you see, because, you can get metal models for not much more if you shop around sensibly. What's more, when you make a fuck up of the paint work, metal figures are more forgiving Owen you need to strip that paint off. Also they generally don't need hours of building before you can even prime them.

Do yourselves a favour and buy a few 2nd hand 1980s Wargames magazines on eBay and read them. Boy will you see your hobby in a new light. Also, learn some of the 'names' and look at their collections, because they were exactly that 'collections' not a few dozen models.

And so, with my spleen vented and the night falling like the value of a GW figure two minutes after you walk out of the store, I'll bid you a very good evening and wish you a pain free run up to Christmas.


TTFN

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