I've seen things you geeks wouldn't believe...
A newly painted regiment knocked from the table and crash to the floor...
I watched pints of lager fly as two girls clashed over a wargamer's affections...
All those moments will be lost in time, like 1/300th scale infantry in a deep pile carpet.
Time to dice...
Monday, 9 November 2015
Fun With Amateur Figure Painters
About 27 years or so ago, whilst living the life of the tortured Goth sexpot in a shared house, we gamed a hell of a lot and oddly enough, the house was always filled with gamers who had nothing better to do than look for jobs, get pissed in the Limit club and wargame. Usually in the reverse order to that given...
The gaming part was was made easier because my girlfriend at the time was often out screwing one of my non-gaming mates, with the odd break to shag a Runequest player or two.
Anyway, one of our number who was unlucky enough to still have to live with his parents ( because I think he was supposed to be a virgin when they married him to God or something... I don't recall the exact reason, but that one will do ) walked into the kitchen and excitedly told us how he had been asked to paint an army for another mutual friend, who was a well paid professional in a local hospital mortuary and could afford to have a rank amateur paint his stuff for an inflated price.
The army was some type of medieval Arab army, but there was just one snag - he didn't know what the painting details for these were, and could those of us with a few more years of experience help him?
Of course we could, we assured him, and so we sat down at the table and gave him a detailed list of the colours etc.
And so that was that.
Fast forward about 5 years, and I was living just up the road from the owner of the army, and finding myself invited around for a game. Of course, as is right and proper, I accepted.
Upon arriving, the host showed me his armies and in particular an Arab army he had had painted by ****** ****. I cooed a little, and he in turn used language I have not heard from anyone who was not a sailor on shore leave. I could clearly see why, snd later on, tentatively enquired about the skirmish line, which it transpired, when formed up correctly, had the Green Cross Code in Arabic on it's shields.
I was told that the owner had done that himself, upon delivery, and inspection and had decided that the army which had been painted for him at great cost with 'advice from professionals' needed something which complimented the shields which bore the images of monkeys, palm trees and bananas. And the banners with the ingredients lists from ethnic food packaging cooking sauces.
And of course I told him, just who those 'professional advisers' were... NOT!