Who Dares Wins - most of the time.
It's a busy time here in the Dark Tower above Fackham Hall, as I approach the end of another year of painting rather beautiful models for some of the most discerning customers you could wish for.
I'm not letting my work rule my life quite as much and so I am making myself honour my own advertised working hours lest I wear myself down as I did at the end of 2017.
I'm taking a few minutes to write this blog as I wait for the basing on 42 really nice Perry Miniatures Medieval civilians to dray and thereby allow me to finish off the drybrushing. Having been awake since 04:30, I'm relying on coffee and my breakfast of potatoes in cream, bacon, asparagus in truffle oil and poached egg to sustain me until I clock off in 5 and a half hours.
I've been listening to 'Who Dares Wins' by Dominic Sandbrook, a blisteringly detailed social and political history of Britain between 1979 and 1982. It's 42 hours of detail and I was surprised that my own city of Sheffield, gets a lot of mention as does D&D. did you know that in 1980 there were more players of D&D in the UK, than members of the Labour Party?
It's 'my' time as you'll be aware from my posts on the 80s and so for me, being able to learn about things which I was too young to understand or disinterested in at the time, helps me appreciate the way things were, the way it affected the feel of the times and indeed, how it was reflected in the gaming hobby.
What's more, the parallels between that period and today leads me to think that the angst of the youth over the environment is the modern take on my generation and the fear of annihilation by nuclear war. The political extremism is all there again, so that what we are seeing I think is a 40 year cycle along similar lines.
To this day, I think my generation escaped to imaginary worlds because we wanted to make the most of this one before we ended up in a post apocalyptic world as portrayed in the film 'Threads' which, oddly enough was set in my city and in which I was an extra. It remains to this day a frankly, fucking frightening film. It's probably nothing that would make todays desensitised kids bat a black lined eyelid, but you see, what was scary was that it was so unsensational, in a recognisable world at a time where the world really was on the brink and Sheffield was 47 on the U.S.S.R's nuke list, as I discovered when I decided to undertake an English project at school, choosing nuclear war as a topic. Likewise, my final project for my art exams was an abstract collage of a dystopian street, set against a blossoming mushroom cloud with the odd rainbow and prism thrown in for good measure. Again, that curious mix of the fantastic with the feared.
We all have a period which we are attracted to because of it's effect on the formative part of our lives, but there does seem to be a real correlation between the 1979-89 period and the blossoming of a generation who 'did their own thing'.
Within my own peer group there are miniature painters, computer game designers, comic and game artists, cultural anthropologists, miniature manufacturers and special effects artists, as well as G.Ps, railway maintenance workers and engineers. Many of them tried the mundane cultural conditioning of the 9-5 job, but just could not come to terms with it and so took chances, risked familial and relationship rifts and made the world, their world work for them.
It did leave many of us rather defensive when we got together and in fact made us take pains to point out how normal and successful we were. I was as guilty as the next man until I realised that by doing that I was going against the very mindset which made us do what we did.
Several friends denied and continue to deny that the 14 year old kid who did some cringeworthy things ever existed and that they, the 50-something well adjusted person they are owes nothing to that nerdy kid, seemingly ashamed of themselves lest their more traditional friends or partners view them unfavourably.
Well, I say bollocks to that!
Why hide the child inside the adult? That childlike view of the world is what continues to drive me on. It is in my opinion a key aspect of the creative personality. If you take your self image to seriously, then sooner or later, the reflection in the mirror will be unrecognisable. I was laid in bed at 5AM this morning and I suddenly realised that it's over 20 years since at the age of 31 my world crashed down around my ears when Dungeons & Starships went bust. I lost my sense of humour, as I almost lost everything I had worked for. Trust me, when you have gone from feeding two people on £1 per day 5 years before, to owning a branch of one of the iconic games stores of the 'golden era', to suddenly see yourself falling into a pit where having £7 would be a luxury, it does fuck you up a bit.
I came out of it intolerant of people with whom I had little in common, and friends who got a bit snarky with me, generally found themselves on the receiving end of a tirade which was not justified by a pretty harmless quip, because all I had at that time was a belief in myself and my wife & daughter.
20 years on we are doing well because I've learned a lot about myself and have determined that I will never allow myself to go through that again. It's true that I still have a wicked tongue and a mouth which has the inability to remain silent when something or someone gets my hackles up, and perhaps the best example of that were my comments in 2014 regarding the poor organisation of Triples and the attitudes of the organisers (who were my friends for several decades to that point).
I should have kept my mouth shut and let them continue to spiral because that's what happened anyway. I'd still have had my friends, but I have to also think that I'd have been bothered that I'd not raised my voice.
I was discussing returning to Sheffield Wargames Society the other night with my wife, but whilst I (always the pessimist) was quite enthusiastic, my wife made it quite clear that she would never return because, she felt that I'd end up a target for some and because (and here I actually exclaimed 'What the fuck?') she does not trust a single member of that society.
Anyone who knows my wife will tell you that's not her style at all, and I actually asked her if she was drunk, the following day. Apparently not.
Oddly, she has not lost her love of gaming which evolved from meeting me, and putting up with my obsession for almost 32 years - a whopping 80% of my years in this fine hobby.
In fact she's currently working through a truly enormous 1980s Dark Elf army which I reckon has 500 or so metal figures in it and which should be a match for my own 900 piece Undead force.
Only yesterday, she declared an interest in the Restoration thru Marlburian period, which is a fine thing to be interested in, but whilst I think that there are some people in SWS she could benefit from speaking to, she'll have none of it.
I think this comes from the fact that every gamer I know (with decidedly few exceptions) are all very opinionated. It's often rather destructive, but at least these folks have opinions, and these are people who I grew up with, none of them from my own school peer group. This was another positive aspect of the hobby because I and others got to meet a wide variety of kids and adults (at a time when adults had little to do with the youth of the country) and to be encouraged to be yourself, whilst also learning how to interact with older people. The drawback was that those of us who became Alphas from spending time with the previous generation of Alphas, also became quite outspoken and overly critical as we used our new found confidence and acceptance as armour. That said, it did mean that I was able to thrive in situations where others were less confident. The down side was that people were less forgiving when I fucked up, rolled with it and came back stronger, which in turn, when I became depressed made (and still makes) me more self-destructive. (In fact when I finally realised this flaw, I had the kanji characters for banzai and kamikaze tattooed on my upper arm.
A lot of my peers from those mid-80s days are, I think as messed up as me, and that, despite the odd 'spat' is why I truly love them, because they wear their bruised hearts on their sleeves and are real people. Some pretend to be far more well adjusted than they are, but they forget that those who know them, also know otherwise, and they really should just let out the insecure kid.
I found that by doing that I began to derive the same degree of enjoyment for my hobby. I was less driven by a need to have the latest fad 'just because' and rediscovered the simple joys of buying something because I wanted it, even if I had no idea on what I was going to use it for, or which rules I'd need.
It's very liberating to buy something, ignoring any 'official' background, which seems to be more important than imagination these days, and invent my own creative imagery and background.
I blogged a while back on how the first historical miniatures I bought were a handful of 1/300 micro tanks at Triples in 1981, and how I wrote my own rules and played probably inaccurate but very enjoyable games, and how I had a secret little lust for Cold War armies. That got me interested again, and after a false start with 15mm and 20mm models, I found the Plastic Soldier Company's 'Battlegroup: Northag' and it's 1/200 models. I've pre-ordered the starter package and have great hopes that I'll end up enjoying myself as much a I did in those early days.
I'm not reliant on anyone else - it's that old thing of doing something because I like it and I want to play it. I am pretty sure that others will play games with me, and maybe even buy themselves some models, but I reiterate that I'm the the driving wagon on this one.
I also picked up the latest expansion for the Core Space game, 'Galactic Corps' which introduces an NPC law enforcement arm and completes my collection so far. I even decided to start painting the models, and have the first ship's crew primed and ready to go on my workbench on Saturday (yes, you read that correctly, I am actually painting stuff for myself, contrary to tradition)
I also realised, when flipping through a 1980s copy of Starlog magazine that I'd never seen the film 'Starman' with Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen, so I've bought that and will be watching it on Sunday night as this week's choice for our weekly 80s film.
Wow, that was a bit of a ramble, which may have seemed a bit dark, but rest assured, it's not meant like that. I am always drawing parallels between the days of my youth and the present and sometimes it opens up memories and emotions which, no matter how good or bad are part of my personal history and are more often than not woven into my gaming life. Whilst the negative aspects are just that, and sometimes I have ended up with ego on my face, the fact that my life has been able to be so embedded in my hobby (not the reverse) makes me realise just how lucky I am and that indeed, who dares, wins.
I have a wife and daughter who share my love of games and the fantastic and I know that is far luckier than many of my friends who have found partners who have no interest let alone love of the things which defined my friends. Yes, all things considered, it's a beautiful day, Moriarty! A beautiful beautiful day!
TTFN
I'm not letting my work rule my life quite as much and so I am making myself honour my own advertised working hours lest I wear myself down as I did at the end of 2017.
I'm taking a few minutes to write this blog as I wait for the basing on 42 really nice Perry Miniatures Medieval civilians to dray and thereby allow me to finish off the drybrushing. Having been awake since 04:30, I'm relying on coffee and my breakfast of potatoes in cream, bacon, asparagus in truffle oil and poached egg to sustain me until I clock off in 5 and a half hours.
I've been listening to 'Who Dares Wins' by Dominic Sandbrook, a blisteringly detailed social and political history of Britain between 1979 and 1982. It's 42 hours of detail and I was surprised that my own city of Sheffield, gets a lot of mention as does D&D. did you know that in 1980 there were more players of D&D in the UK, than members of the Labour Party?
It's 'my' time as you'll be aware from my posts on the 80s and so for me, being able to learn about things which I was too young to understand or disinterested in at the time, helps me appreciate the way things were, the way it affected the feel of the times and indeed, how it was reflected in the gaming hobby.
What's more, the parallels between that period and today leads me to think that the angst of the youth over the environment is the modern take on my generation and the fear of annihilation by nuclear war. The political extremism is all there again, so that what we are seeing I think is a 40 year cycle along similar lines.
To this day, I think my generation escaped to imaginary worlds because we wanted to make the most of this one before we ended up in a post apocalyptic world as portrayed in the film 'Threads' which, oddly enough was set in my city and in which I was an extra. It remains to this day a frankly, fucking frightening film. It's probably nothing that would make todays desensitised kids bat a black lined eyelid, but you see, what was scary was that it was so unsensational, in a recognisable world at a time where the world really was on the brink and Sheffield was 47 on the U.S.S.R's nuke list, as I discovered when I decided to undertake an English project at school, choosing nuclear war as a topic. Likewise, my final project for my art exams was an abstract collage of a dystopian street, set against a blossoming mushroom cloud with the odd rainbow and prism thrown in for good measure. Again, that curious mix of the fantastic with the feared.
We all have a period which we are attracted to because of it's effect on the formative part of our lives, but there does seem to be a real correlation between the 1979-89 period and the blossoming of a generation who 'did their own thing'.
Within my own peer group there are miniature painters, computer game designers, comic and game artists, cultural anthropologists, miniature manufacturers and special effects artists, as well as G.Ps, railway maintenance workers and engineers. Many of them tried the mundane cultural conditioning of the 9-5 job, but just could not come to terms with it and so took chances, risked familial and relationship rifts and made the world, their world work for them.
It did leave many of us rather defensive when we got together and in fact made us take pains to point out how normal and successful we were. I was as guilty as the next man until I realised that by doing that I was going against the very mindset which made us do what we did.
Several friends denied and continue to deny that the 14 year old kid who did some cringeworthy things ever existed and that they, the 50-something well adjusted person they are owes nothing to that nerdy kid, seemingly ashamed of themselves lest their more traditional friends or partners view them unfavourably.
Well, I say bollocks to that!
Why hide the child inside the adult? That childlike view of the world is what continues to drive me on. It is in my opinion a key aspect of the creative personality. If you take your self image to seriously, then sooner or later, the reflection in the mirror will be unrecognisable. I was laid in bed at 5AM this morning and I suddenly realised that it's over 20 years since at the age of 31 my world crashed down around my ears when Dungeons & Starships went bust. I lost my sense of humour, as I almost lost everything I had worked for. Trust me, when you have gone from feeding two people on £1 per day 5 years before, to owning a branch of one of the iconic games stores of the 'golden era', to suddenly see yourself falling into a pit where having £7 would be a luxury, it does fuck you up a bit.
I came out of it intolerant of people with whom I had little in common, and friends who got a bit snarky with me, generally found themselves on the receiving end of a tirade which was not justified by a pretty harmless quip, because all I had at that time was a belief in myself and my wife & daughter.
20 years on we are doing well because I've learned a lot about myself and have determined that I will never allow myself to go through that again. It's true that I still have a wicked tongue and a mouth which has the inability to remain silent when something or someone gets my hackles up, and perhaps the best example of that were my comments in 2014 regarding the poor organisation of Triples and the attitudes of the organisers (who were my friends for several decades to that point).
I should have kept my mouth shut and let them continue to spiral because that's what happened anyway. I'd still have had my friends, but I have to also think that I'd have been bothered that I'd not raised my voice.
I was discussing returning to Sheffield Wargames Society the other night with my wife, but whilst I (always the pessimist) was quite enthusiastic, my wife made it quite clear that she would never return because, she felt that I'd end up a target for some and because (and here I actually exclaimed 'What the fuck?') she does not trust a single member of that society.
Anyone who knows my wife will tell you that's not her style at all, and I actually asked her if she was drunk, the following day. Apparently not.
Oddly, she has not lost her love of gaming which evolved from meeting me, and putting up with my obsession for almost 32 years - a whopping 80% of my years in this fine hobby.
In fact she's currently working through a truly enormous 1980s Dark Elf army which I reckon has 500 or so metal figures in it and which should be a match for my own 900 piece Undead force.
Only yesterday, she declared an interest in the Restoration thru Marlburian period, which is a fine thing to be interested in, but whilst I think that there are some people in SWS she could benefit from speaking to, she'll have none of it.
I think this comes from the fact that every gamer I know (with decidedly few exceptions) are all very opinionated. It's often rather destructive, but at least these folks have opinions, and these are people who I grew up with, none of them from my own school peer group. This was another positive aspect of the hobby because I and others got to meet a wide variety of kids and adults (at a time when adults had little to do with the youth of the country) and to be encouraged to be yourself, whilst also learning how to interact with older people. The drawback was that those of us who became Alphas from spending time with the previous generation of Alphas, also became quite outspoken and overly critical as we used our new found confidence and acceptance as armour. That said, it did mean that I was able to thrive in situations where others were less confident. The down side was that people were less forgiving when I fucked up, rolled with it and came back stronger, which in turn, when I became depressed made (and still makes) me more self-destructive. (In fact when I finally realised this flaw, I had the kanji characters for banzai and kamikaze tattooed on my upper arm.
A lot of my peers from those mid-80s days are, I think as messed up as me, and that, despite the odd 'spat' is why I truly love them, because they wear their bruised hearts on their sleeves and are real people. Some pretend to be far more well adjusted than they are, but they forget that those who know them, also know otherwise, and they really should just let out the insecure kid.
I found that by doing that I began to derive the same degree of enjoyment for my hobby. I was less driven by a need to have the latest fad 'just because' and rediscovered the simple joys of buying something because I wanted it, even if I had no idea on what I was going to use it for, or which rules I'd need.
It's very liberating to buy something, ignoring any 'official' background, which seems to be more important than imagination these days, and invent my own creative imagery and background.
I blogged a while back on how the first historical miniatures I bought were a handful of 1/300 micro tanks at Triples in 1981, and how I wrote my own rules and played probably inaccurate but very enjoyable games, and how I had a secret little lust for Cold War armies. That got me interested again, and after a false start with 15mm and 20mm models, I found the Plastic Soldier Company's 'Battlegroup: Northag' and it's 1/200 models. I've pre-ordered the starter package and have great hopes that I'll end up enjoying myself as much a I did in those early days.
I'm not reliant on anyone else - it's that old thing of doing something because I like it and I want to play it. I am pretty sure that others will play games with me, and maybe even buy themselves some models, but I reiterate that I'm the the driving wagon on this one.
I also picked up the latest expansion for the Core Space game, 'Galactic Corps' which introduces an NPC law enforcement arm and completes my collection so far. I even decided to start painting the models, and have the first ship's crew primed and ready to go on my workbench on Saturday (yes, you read that correctly, I am actually painting stuff for myself, contrary to tradition)
I also realised, when flipping through a 1980s copy of Starlog magazine that I'd never seen the film 'Starman' with Jeff Bridges and Karen Allen, so I've bought that and will be watching it on Sunday night as this week's choice for our weekly 80s film.
Wow, that was a bit of a ramble, which may have seemed a bit dark, but rest assured, it's not meant like that. I am always drawing parallels between the days of my youth and the present and sometimes it opens up memories and emotions which, no matter how good or bad are part of my personal history and are more often than not woven into my gaming life. Whilst the negative aspects are just that, and sometimes I have ended up with ego on my face, the fact that my life has been able to be so embedded in my hobby (not the reverse) makes me realise just how lucky I am and that indeed, who dares, wins.
I have a wife and daughter who share my love of games and the fantastic and I know that is far luckier than many of my friends who have found partners who have no interest let alone love of the things which defined my friends. Yes, all things considered, it's a beautiful day, Moriarty! A beautiful beautiful day!
TTFN
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