Lessons I Learned From Gaming

 

 It ocurred to me yesterday as I travelled to Doncaster with the memsahib (Roger claiming that to go there we must have been really bored, being the East Coast aesthete that he has somehow become) that wargaming has led to the learning of much sage wisdom, some of which I will now share.

1. If you are building an army for a competition, then do it in company. 

I went through a spate of competition gaming with my old club, in my youth and I have to say that pouring over WRG Renaissance lists, trying to squeeze out every point was much better when you were slumped with a cuppa on a greay day, in your mate's bedroom, with Jethro Tull playing - even when that mate was critical of you - a rocker - liking Big Country.

Conversation was not abundant, but when I needed an opinion, or just some assistance in working out whether those Polish hussars needed the kitchen sink at +1 point per figure, there it was. my E.C.A compadre, always ready with a response.

2. Don't hit people. You not only hurt them, but you hurt yourself.

At age 15 I was arrested and charged with assault having been forced into a fight with a kid two years older and a good deal bigger than me.

I was in a physical and mental mess, and hardly told anyone at the time, but Lloyd Powell of SWS, gave me that advice, and overall, I have always remembered it. It's good advice, and not something my parents would have said. It was simple, nade sense, and got through the teenage skull.

3. Think carefully about with whom you share a bed, and who has your back.

A couple of times in my later life, when I woke up in a strange room, laid next to what was obviously the Troll Beast Of Tharkon Six, I would need to make 'save versus poison' rolls and consider finding a stiff drink and a handy 'Healing 4' spell.

In fact, I once arrived in The Wappentake at opening time on Saturday lunchtime, to find to girls I know sitting there, about to take their contraceptive pills. I popped one in my mouth and washed it down with said stiffdrink, just be sure I had 'taken off and nuked 'em from orbit'.

My 'friends' with whom I was drinking the night before, had offered me up as a sacrifice to that beast, when I passed out, and it apparently pretty much carried my lithe young form off to it's cave.

I had forgeotten the lesson, learned after spending a weekend at the Nationals with someone who is now a respected academic in the Wargamer Protection Program, as a room mate. He talked loudly and thrashed about in his sleep, and as the older gamers made sure we got a double room, I ended up vacating that bed and sleeping in the bath, with a constant slow trickle of hot water all night to keep me at a reasonable temperature.

 

4. Nothing is worth losing a friend over.

Women, game results, Troll Beasts, egos and petty rivalries... Take it from me, if they get in the way of your friendships, then you'll regret it when you get a bit older and wiser. Young men are more fragile than they admit, and in my time the wearing of your heart on your sleeve, just meant you listened to Marillion. 

There are a few times when I wish I'd stepped back, taken a breath and walked away for a while. The most iredeemable of these came about when I had a bit of a petty tiff with the late Pete Armstrong, only to find out a few months later that he'd passed away. We were both smart arses, and I'd guess we could both have readily recanted.

Gamers are a fickle and fey lot, and teenage gamers are pretty chemically unbalanced. Had I realised this and perhaps even tried to talk to a few, I'd not have pretty much vanished at the end of 1986, cutting all ties with my peers, becoming a Goth, spending almost three years in a relationship which nearly saw me 'off myself' and spend the first decade of my life with the memsahib recovering.

Paul, Pete or Roger could probably have talked some sense into me, but this I and they probably did not know.

5. Presentation is everything.

Cut a dash, be it in striped jeans, Hi-Tec boots and a shemagh, or a well cut shirt and jacket, when you are at a wargames show. Set the sartorial standards for your peers. Bathe, wear a good scent and avoid those shirts with six days of breakfast stains on them. Really, it's not cool to be in a packed hall in summer with someone sweating like Garry Glitter in Tammy Girl, and smelling like an all day breakfast discarded a week ago.

6. Learn to be confident.

I was a very shy kid. Mixing with other kids with my interest, and indeed older gamers in my early teens did me the world of good. Learning to take serious verbal from Chris and Pete whenever I went into G.W and said something a little stupid (pretty much every time, because I wanted to be accepted) made me a slightly more neurotic but sharper tongued youth. By the time I was 16, I could use my wit and sarcasm like weapons. I also learned to stand my ground and talk to people rather than just rushing off. Chatting to girls was still in need of work, and I paid a price for failing that class as well as the extra credits lesson, that you don't need to give a rat's arse what other kids your age think about you.

A pop on the nose (taking into account point 2. above) can remedy that kind of situation if applied in a carefully cultivated manner, however learning a few cutting bon motes can be better.

7. Cash is king.

Forget about 'wargaming on a budget'. Sooner or later, if you do that, you'll lose interest in the hobby and at worst you'll start to not take care of yourself, smell like cabbage, and walk around with a carrier bag tied to your belt, proclaiming that you can use 1/300 figures and 1/72nd together with cardboard box terrain and get a meaningful game.

YOU CANNOT!

Actually John Armatys probably could, but he owns more figures than God, and in point of fact is God. I would add that he is a dapper and scholarly man too - and I have never in 40 years seen him with a carrier bag tied to his trousers. That Gentleman can do more with two sides of blank paper and a pencil, than even the most dedicated Victorian blackmailer.

If you simply must wargame on a budget, make every penny count. Be certain of what you want to play (lest you become like me, a gadfly, mercurial; 'lost soul') and consider what scale will give you the most bang for your buck. Do some research on what rules offer, beyond paid endorsments and adverts from 'big box' companies.

Gaming really is not a pauper's hobby. I'm sorry if this rubs you the wrong way. If you are in financial straights, then DON'T BUY FIGURES INSTEAD OF PAYING BILLS OR FEEDING YOURSELF. 

I have done that and I can tell you it's stupidity itself. 

Buckle down, find a way to improve your lot and focus on that for the time being. 

If you are not in dire straights, then cash is indeed king. Save a good wedge of lolly up, decide which companies you'd buy from and go to a few shows. Be patient and watch for shows which clash with such things as major sporting events etc. Trade will often be slow and you then approach the vendors and politely (note, politely) enquire if they will consider a discount for a thick wad of hard cash.

At worst they will say no, but in my experience many will. And when I say a wad of cash, I mean a wad, not £50 in ten pence coins.

Bulk ordering can be a great way to complete large projects. It takes patience, but when you master it, you can also build armies with zero figure wastage and unwarranted expenditure. 

As a teenager, I tried out my newly-learned repartee and confidence in this way and as well as getting great deals, I actually made a few good friends in the trade.

8. If it burns when you take the first pee of the day, it was a good night.

This 'gem' was handed down to me by one Rothenburg.M when I was but a lad. It's a classic and an important lesson to learn. That gentleman took me under his wing and introduced ne to many and varied things as well as playing games. Every young gamer should have one or two elder statesmen (or indeed women - I had a couple of those too) who can teach them about things your parents and school will not.

Bollocks to political correctness, it's real-worl 'smarts' that could save you in a leery pub, on the weekend of 'The Nationals'.

9.  Golf and drugs are cheaper than wargaming.

There is nothing else I can add to this, it's the truth

 

 10. You only get one ride on the carousel.

Yes, it's true... Much as we may like to believe that as long as we have unpainted lead, we can't die, it's bullshit.

We all die, and that finishing line comes too close, too fast.

I've now got a finite set of projects on the go and few smaller ones in mind, and then I want to get more time gaming instead of painting and basing. I suggest you look at how long you have left, no matter what your age, and convert preparation time into actual gaming.

TTFN