Size, Satisfaction And Achievement.

 My health is not what it was a mere 10 months ago. My neck, shoulder wrists and abdomen are in constant pain of a type I put on par with the worst toothache, 24/7 and no pain killer seems to help. My G.P monitors myblood pressure and has done great work with severe swelling in my left leg, but the rest is still out there. I am not in a happy place, a lot of the time.

But, I go to work and do my job all the same, and despite feeling a lot older than my 53 years, I continue to plan and build armies, which take my mind from my woes.

I was having a chat with another 'face' in the industry this last weekend, and we both agreed and remarked on the misconception that because your work and your hobby are pretty much the same thing, you should not get tired of doing it, and that the misconception was exactly that.

We also laughed at the idea that the stuff we do for ourselves should be the same high standard as that work we undertake for clients. Nay, nay... After 50 hours screwing up your muscles and skeleton under an unforgiving lighting rig, the last thing you want to do is spend another 20 at the weekend churning out your own armies.

I've said it before, but the first time you find that the motivation of money is greater than the simple pleasure of picking up a brush, you have crossed a Rubicon of sorts. Don't get me wrong here, I absolutely love to see my finished work, but what has changed is that the face of the client, receivig my efforts and paying me for doing so (let's not forget that this is a transaction) is far more satisfying.

If I can look at myself in the mirror, tired, somewhat hunched and sticky with paint and say to myself, 'You gave it everything' and then have the client smile with appreciation, I can feel pleased that a little piece of my essence, a record of my time on this mudball might just give me a bit of immortality for a while.

And that is why I am able to get up, despite starting the day with an agonised cry and go to my studio. This morning I looked at some of the work I have done for just one client in the last 11 years and I was amazed at how I must actually be a machine. My output, all to the same standard, day after day is frightening and into the tens of thousands of figures, in every scale, all painted to the highest standards.

Oh yes, owning thousands of your own figures is nice, but to know that people all over the world share that effort and output is much nicer.

I have my own stuff painted. I have a great painter, who paints not in my style, but to my taste, and does it well. I do the basing, add the flags and create command vignettes to make the armies personal to me and that is enough. I get to marvel at a collection painted to my tastes by someone who through my collection is adding to their own personal legacy, and spreading the beauty of this fine hobby across the world.

Collections are something else I have been mulling over of late. To me a collection should be something you can display, indulge in and enjoy. If it's too large to see a table, or you are too precious with it, it's pointless in my personal opinion.

I see pictures posted by other gamers of box after box of 'vintage lead' stashed in dens and attics, doing nothing other than be ticked off against a catalogue. I appreciate that the thrill of acquiring something is satisfying, but to simply stack it away like bullion, doing nothing with it, seems a waste. If you have thousands of figures and you are my age, the 'I'll get around to painting it.' line is simply a personal fiction. You won't. You'll go to your grave and your fellow collectors will mourn you for a while and then try and get your hard won lead for pennies on the pound of actual value.

My way of doing things, after years of similarly convincing myself of my gaming immortality is now a simple one. I either go in lockstep with my opponents, agreeing an approximate size of the project and hoping we all stay on message (yes, I'm looking at you sir - you know who you are! I suffered your lecture on the ECW figures and did my part) or, I look at a period, what forces will give a decent rendition of it, and collect two forces on my own of around 600-800 pieces per side. If anyone else is interested, they can pitch in (the more the merrier, after all) but we need to remember that we have a finite play area, so whilst a few units more than need is OK, to allow variety of forces, we don't need to metaphorically wave our manhood around in the form of thousands of toys destined never to see the table. I'd rather have three satisfyingly useable projects than one which looks impressive but never gets used to it's full extent.

It's all about relative scale, as a friend has only just reminded me this weekend in a conversation about gaming the Vietnam War. I now acquiese to his point.

And with that, I shall leave you to your Tuesday evening, and try to get this fucking neck pain under control, whilst planning the next project.

TTFN