Gushing, Hard-Ons And Gaming

 Good morning all,

As I type this epistle to the gaming apostles, it's overcast, cool and bloody lovely!

My studio is located up in the eaves of the house, and whilst it enjoys two windows, which can be thrown open to the prevailing breezes down the Don Valley, it gets hotter than the reader's wives page in a copy of Escort.

So, this week, the combination of heat, fatigue, increased care requirements of Maggie (who is starting to look a hell of a lot fitter than she did 7 days ago) have made the 8 hour painting shifts stretch to ten.

I'm about 3 weeks away from my annual Summer shut-down, so if I can get through the 72 hour period of extreme heat we've been forecast to have, I'll hopefuly make it to the finish line.

I've been going back of late and looking at books which were 'cutting edge' back when I started out, and one which I'd completely forgotten, was A Guide To Wargaming by George Gush, which I have in it's 1980 hardcover edition, and which I must say is pretty mint, which makes opening the pages even more of a sensory delight.

Even today it has some brilliant insights and views on the hobby, and those who slavishly follow a given manufacturer, taking their words as 'state of the art' wargames thinking, would do well to seek out some of the older books which are closer to the rise of the golden age of the hobby than the reinvented, often snidely ironic writings we get today (Wargames Illustrated, you are a prime offender, and you know it!).

Even today the 'KTG Book Of Wargaming' can stir my blood with it's descriptions of how to use a pin and candle to convert an Airfix Roman, and those gorgeous black and white shots of block painted figures on a plain green cloth. And no, this is not irony, but a genuine reflection on what fired me up as a kid who'd never seen tabletop wargaming other than a stunning 1/72 scale urban riot wargame which was featurted on the regional news.

In fact some of the best games I played were with block painted figures on simple terrain. These games had thousands of models, which in itself was a great spectacle.

You didn't need to have the intricately painted, high end models for every army. In fact, the this was what made seeing super detailed figures all the better, because they were the pinnacle, the Mount of Olives of gaming.

Now, you see piffling little 'armies' of 30-50 figures supposedly representing authentic period forces. Bollocks to that...

Now, don't get me wrong when I rant about 50 figure 'armies'; I like skirmish gaming, but armies they are not. They are forces, detachments, garrisons if you will. Think of them in their real world context rather than trying to convince yourself that you have an army. Those figures, even if identically posed and painted will over time, each develop their own character and personality. Really they will.

Similarly regiments in larger 'true' armies, gain character. I've been reluctant to throw regiments, identical in every way to others in a given army into the fray because I know (based on a previous game or two) that their hearts are just not in it.

They may be exquistely dipped in a tinted varnish, or washed with the latest industry wonder weapon with a name like Super Tint, Army Fast or Overpricedinkforgulliblebastards, but they are never, you hear me? never going to compete with 300+ 1970s Minifigs, lovingly painted in neat block colours, for those who remember those kind of things.

Now, I consider yself very fortunate indeed to own nicely painted figures, because that was the aim for me over 4 decades ago. But, will they bring me more pleasure than an equal number of neatly block painted models? Probably not.

My decision was based on what was really 'keeping up with the Grognards' back in '81, and possibly hobbled my enjoyment to some degree, because if those figures were not 'of the approved quality' they did not linger long in barracks.

However, there are several block painted armies out there that I'd kill to own, because I saw them in magazines when I was a kid. They are not 'famous' nor are they made from 'rare' figures, but they represent to mewhat I was 'turned on' by in my formative years. Tom McKellar's Vikings are one army which spring to mind, Phil Robinson's Late Romans are another. They were crude by today's standards, but boy, did they and indeed do they look good to those who remember that they all we had - this said with sarcasm because you could do a lot with them - were enamel paints.

Those armies walked the walk. They were well researched, painstakingly neatly painted and given a gloss varnish to protect them, so that they glowed on the table.

I have just varnished the first 500+ of my Wars Of The Roses collection and I have to say, I am almost thinking of not bothering with the matt finishing coat. I think we have beome just a little too obsessed with matt, because let's face it, these are toys, and toys get played with, moreso if they are attractive. And what can be more attractive and tactile than a bright, smoothly finished figure, scintilating in the lights over the gaming table?

Sensory considerations are important for me. In fact when I was about 14, I realised that walking into the subtly decorated space which was Games Workshop - pre-Warhammer - and smelling a heady mix of Poly-S acrylic paint and freshly brewed coffee, could give me a hard-on that a pile of porn mags (and these were 80s porn mags we're talking about) would find it difficult to match. In fact, many's the time I heard older gamers exclaim, whilst looking at well painted models 'I think I just shot my load'.

When I was lucky enough to take ownership of my Italian Wars army recently, and squealed when I saw all those pretty pike armed models, the Memsahib asked me if I needed a tissue...

I have finite plans now for my gaming, and whilst it is my deision to go for the 'up-market' aesthetic, what is really driving me is the desire to acquire armies which have that 'Viagra' effect. This may not be about painting, but the emotional and tactile links to a given figure type or period. I could easily pile up figures upon figures, but only a proportion of them would make me 'tingle' .

Moreover, I want to game with people whom I enjoy being around. I have considered a trial return to club gaming, but to be perfectly honest, there are a few people out there who can't stomach me - several of whom are two-faced bastards, who smile at shows and bitch behind closed doors - and with whom the idea of spending several hours playing games with, just would not bear fruit, making such a return a waste of my time.

Well, I could go on, but I better sign of for the opresent as I have a long day ahead of me, and the cool weather can't last forever.

 

TTFN