Thoughts & Rants Of A Grumpy Old Man...

 Whew! What a scorcher this last week's been.

I can now state for the record, that 8 hours shifts in a painting studio at 40 degress celsius are lethal.

On Tuesday, I literally staggered down two floors, to the main part of the house, feeling extremely unwell.

BUT, because when you're self employed, motivation is what make the money, I worked through that hellish day as normal and so, I can say that I did indeed, earn my daily crust.

Last Sunday, I finally unpacked the massive Renaissance colection I purchased a couple of weeks previously, and I confess, without hyperbole, that I shed tears.

'You?' I hear you cry.

'You, who does not shed tears at funerals, whose heart is black and had as flint?'

Well, yes. I was overcome withhow fortunate I am to have what I do. I've been to the brink and back financially, twice, and here I am; I have a marriage of almost 35 years, my own wargames building, some lovely armies and a burgeoning collection of terrain of the very best quality. 

I am happy, and I am satified with my lot.

And you see, that's just it...  I'm not longing for much at all, gaming-wise. I spent my life buying armies and ending up with piles of lead which never got painted. And, the idea of having loads of '1500 point' armies for every period, really just seemed like a waste of time.

4 years ago, as I turned 50, I said that I was no longer going to buy figures, and I meant it. But, then I reconsidered things when I got the Rumpus Room, and I asked myself what exactly I wanted to achieve in the few years I have left.

I looked hard at the periods I was interested in and all things considered, it was the very same periods which had snagged me, over 40 years ago:

Medieval

Renaissance

English Civil War

Fantasy

Sci-Fi

WW2

Now, I like big games, but it's not always possible to get friends enthusiastic about something they are only marginally interested in, so the plan was/is, to generally build 100+ piece armies, and cover both sides of a given period. 

The fantasy is bottom of my list - many people may look aghast as they read that, but that's the truth - and so I am uncertain what I'll be doing there, but in all probability, I'll use my own miniature ranges for that.

ECW is the only large project where I have only one side, as we all have nicely sized armies. The Wars Of The Roses, are well under way with over 20 units per side, plus artillery and allies to give each army some flavour. The Renaisance, is stupidly large as collections go, but I still need a few more bits to round it all out as well as baggage,

Sci-Fi - I'll probably just build two platoons with support, using the old Denizen Miniatures lines, and for WW2, I'll probably go for a company sized formation each of 8th Army and Afrika Korps.

And that is pretty much all I want. It's a strange and somewhat liberating feeling to find yourself as a lead junkie, not even looking at potential armies, nor indeed, going to shows.

You can only do that o much, before you start to not notice the games, and start to not even look at certain trade stands, because you fear the tedious dullness of what they have to offer, may rub off.

I am content, and quite frankly it gives me the willies. No, in fact it scares the fuck out of me.

The other day, I actually realised that my life has been nothing but games, sometimes to the detriment of myself, and sometimes my nearest and dearest for 42 years. It shook me up somewhat.

I 'think' I'd do it all again, I'm pretty certain in fact, but I may do it differently. I'd pay more attention to friendships - real friendships, I'd not choose figures before food, games before girlfriends, and I'd be less set on spending my entire life immersed in the hobby.

I don't regret what I have done, because I have memories and stories, as well as life experiences that came my way only because I did things the way I did. I've been in a film, on a model making show, written a book, owned a store, yada, yada... But I could have done it all better. I could have been more 'normal' and less gung-ho about it.

 Then again, my larger than life persona protected me, and gave me the chutzpah to achieve those things, so perhaps had I been less 'all in',  I'd not have got the chances.

I am by nature anti-social, which surprises a lot of people, but look, I hear gamers go on about being gregarious and all the friends they have. These are the same people who I've heard being pretty fucking mean about other people. The difference is, I choose to whom I speak. I am under no boon or geas, which says I have to befriend everyone I meet - nor they I - or have the same shared world view. I don't and I won't. 

I enjoy being with people who interest me and with whom I do share interests and tastes. I am exceedingly loyal to the few friends I choose to have, and frankly I am indifferent to most others. They are probably nice people, but I am sorry, they are not my people. If I waste my time making pleasantries and chit chat with you, and then we go our own ways, we have wasted our time, and mortality doesn't give refunds. If we meet, and something 'sparks' then we are possibly going to be friends and the time will be well spent and beneficial.

Like I said, I am a flinty-hearted bastard.

I've been giving much thought to the things which inspired and gave me a light headed feeling when I began my journey in this hobby. Oddly, old TV sitcoms are much on my mind in that regard. I would often sit with one eye on a rulebook and another on the T.V, passively absorbing music and comedy, and sometimes, just sometimes seeing something about gaming along the way. 'Nationwide' on the BBC had a couple of interesting bits on fantasy games, the local press always covered the Triples show, and I recorded or clipped it all out - then lost it all.

I'm always thrilled to watch and old comedy show, which suddenly makes me recall in glorious technicolor, a moment of my youth and the gaming I did.

It was purer gaming back then. It was more honest and from the heart, because you did not get the slick, overworked production and hard selling of stuff, as if it was the most important thing you'd ever buy as a gamer. I sometimes pick up a pre-1990 magaine, and literally weep with pleasure when I see a long forgotten advert, amateurishly done, but done with a genuine love of the hbby and belief in the product on offer.

I sometimes thin 'I wonder what happened to them?' and go off on a wild goose chase, and am surprised to fin that I can locate the original manufacturer and get hold the last of their stock, long forgotten and unloved in a garage or lock up. Several times, I've been thanked for my interest and enthusiasm and it's gratifying when that happens because you connect with a real person who probably did it for the love of the hobby as much as the money, back in the day.

It's often said that we look through rose tinted glasses, but generally, I'dsay that the xperience of those of us who 'came u[p' in the 70s and 80s realy did connect in a different and more 'honest' way with the hobby. There was much mre room for individuality than today. Now, companies have 'official' this or that, and try to screw you for as much money as possible, by trying to tie you to one 'offiial' range or another. Well shit, that's the antithesis of what it used to be, and how it should be. If you are so insecure about your product line's apeal that you have to 'lock' people into it, you really ought to fuck off and do something else.'We have made our figures larger because Lord Zogg's expedition found a new genetic strain' is one of the types of lie to get you to suck up having to replace an older army with deliberately larger models, incompatible with anyone else's. 

That's not 'fluff', that's a piss poor cover story for making your range exclusive, and by doing that you are narrowing the scope of our hobby - shame on you!

The 'old school' revivalists are just as bad a lot of the time because they are in it for the money and mreover, may spend thousands, on old models, but miss the nostalgic point of it all, because they didn't live through the times and experience the 'newnes' of those models when they were released. Look kids, it wasn't your time and it never will be, so just back of and let us crusty old grognards curate our own museum.

If you don't like the way your hobby looks, boycott and write to the companies you have issues with. Take back and shape your hobby as we did. Perhaps actuall listen to us addled old buggers, because we are your history kids.

Another tip, leave politics, race and gender at the fucking door. As far as I am aware, NOBODY is trying to use gaming as a platform of persecution. They are making toys and books to entertain. If you can't enjoy the hobby without first fighting a culture war against some poor bastard who simply wants to play games and share their ideas, then you really should take up political activism instead.

Life's too short, go out and play!

And with tha saidt, I am going to do just that...

TTFN