It's Autumn And A Man Can Become Introspective...

 

 

Autumn is here, and as is my wont, I embrace it with a display in the windowsill, very much in the spirit of our cousins across the Atlantic. Indeed, I was up at 6AM yesterday, removing the more staid floral display of the earlier part of the year, to dress the house for the dark season ahead.

Celebrating Fall is my way of adding a  gentle warmth and vivid colour to my world and soothe my soul. I find it a transcendental experience.

As I type, my 7 month old Scottie, 'Penelope' is fighting with one of the many dog beds scattered around the manse, I am looking at an expanse of warm floral hues to a garden beyond, which is still bursting with the colours of Summer all offset by a sky which is grey and Titian in equal measure. Ahhhhhhh, perfection.

And what in the name of Christ on a bike has that to do with gaming? I hear you splutter... I sense an eyebrow or two being raised in certain parts, and care not an iota.

You see, that soothing transcendence is what I have always sought within gaming. Money can of course buy it, but more importantly, it's about creating that aesthetic and feel of the time when you were happiest in your hobby.

My aim as I have just hit my 55th year, is to ride this emotional state as much as possible. I had been mulling the sale of my Satanic Panic Miniatures project, but to be honest, it's got so much creative and financial potential still locked up, that by doing so, I'd just be handing someone else a pretty big profit for very little gain. Instead, I'm locking it all away until I tire of doing what I do, to give me an instant change of employment at some stage down the turnpike.

I realised that just creating Satanic Panic took me to a place I dreamed of visiting as a kid, and that feeling was exactly what I was speaking of when I referred to a 'soothing transcendence'. 

It hit me hard the other day when I visited the cemetery to leave flowers, that whilst I had it emotionally hard as a kid, I also had a childood where I could evolve creatively and not be forced to be like the other kids and follow football, become a pub fixture and repeat what generations before have felt it 'right' to do.

Instead, I lived in a fantasy and science fiction world, with the odd bit of time and space travel to WW2. I had 7-9 comics per week, sufficient pocket money to buy paints and stuff, which by age 14 in the mid 80s allowed me to generate a £50 per week income, which was more than I earned in my first job two years later.

Money was and is, simply a way to manifest physical items. I don't chase it for it's own sake. I think that because I was never wanting for toys, books or experience as a kid, I don't have a need or desire to chase and lock away vast sums.

I know of people who seem to see money as the important thing. One even said that my take on the subject was why, unlike them, I was in 'the pickle' I was in. That was a comment I found offensive and hilarious in equal measure. But that I think they meant that I live in a semi-detached house in the area I was born in and live modestly.

That is my choice.

You see, when you look at it, I know where my roots were and what is important to me. I have more than enough space, I own a great game room, and have a view across Sheffield's Don Valley which I have seen evolve over more than half a century with views of 20 miles to the Peak District. 

My back garden is part of a woodland on one of Sheffield's highest hills, at the summit of which are the remains of a Roman fort.

I have seen friends who have started with nothing, living in council flats, who have made it 'big'. They have created new personas and affectations, and have come to worship the coin more than life itself. I guess that when you have had little, and forget your roots, you cease to be yourself when you strike it rich.

When I owned Dungeons & Starships, I got a little taste of being like that and I didn't like it. It made me arrogant and aloof and the fall when it inevitabley came was devastating. The biggest mistake I made was to forget my friends and roots for a while.

On the positive side, it began a new way of seeing the world and what I wanted from it and where I comfortably fitted in. I learned to pay the bills, then indulge myself in the things that I enjoy rather than just having a screw you attitude, buying piles of never-to-be-painted figures and generally pissing off  my oldest friends.

Oh, had I learned this lesson earlier in life.

I now work very hard, and I play reasonably hard, but always with an eye on that state of personal satisfaction, that nirvana-like sense of wellbeing. 

I was so lucky to have worked for Chris Harvey in the 90s, the founder of Chris Harvey Games, who at a point in my life where I had been at my lowest after 4 years in a friendless wilderness and 3 years in a loveless relationship. I'd settled down with my now partner and best friend of 35 years and had a young daughter and was living on £7.50 per week, when Chris, through a fortuitous series of events, made a bet with me and then won it, resulting in me losing a tenner - and gaining a game store.

Chris gave me a lot of rope and I never hung myself until he let go in 1997.

I am so grateful to Chris for his mentoring, almost 30 years ago. I would have thrown myself from a cliff at his direction, such was my respect for that gentleman. It was Chris who showed me that money is just a tool. To experience real wealth tempered with humilty is to understand the world a little better.

I forgot that lesson for a while, and paid the toll.

However, it also made me re-evaluate how I looked at the world. I keep my needs humble and indulge myself in my whims as I see fit. I am content. Content and happy are two different things. Happiness is the emotional equivalent of the immediate rush of a sugar doughnut, whilst contentment is the memory of a duck breast with cherry jus, as you lie in bed ,10 hours after eating it.

As gamers, we are encouraged by the big name companies to always be seeking a new rush, to find that 'happiness'. The wise gamer (in my opinion) is the one who digs out those old Minifigs, enamel painted figures and finds 'contentment' in seeing them for maybe the thousandth time.

I feel that we should all aspire to that contented state rather than simple happiness, and that's how I am now approaching my own gaming.

As you know by now, I've spent hours in the last 12 months mapping what I want to see on my table (hence the total demolition of my armies last year) and despite oipen ridicule and comments from some people, I am now well ahead of schedule, because I've also talked to my figure painter about what he likes to paint the most, located where that intersects my own pleasure plan, and found a creative sweet spot. 

I've then paid that painter in full and in advance. This has allowed me to just get on with other things which will, in the next twelve months, give me the wargaming equivalent of the permanent hard-on.

The secret has been to stick to a plan and a set spending threshold. Now, to be honest, it's not in any way an austerity budget, but rather an absolute line that I have decided I will not and do not need, to cross. Think of it as a frame to limit the size of the canvas I can use.

This approach has really conentrated my attention on every detail, so that what I end up with is a well crafted collection, finely tuned to give me that 'soothing transcendence' I have waffled on about.

No matter the size of your projects, if you spend the time 'crafting' them, I am certain that you will derive a lot more pleasure from them. When I refer to crafting, I don't mean the physical painting and model making, but rather the whole thing. The composition of the armies, the terrain you have available, the rules and the company you choose to keep when using those armies.

I have so many interests that it is impossibnle to play everything with the same people. It's frustrating, but I cannot force folks to play something they have no interest in, and expect to get the same sense of wellbeing I get when I play with equally passionate friends. So, for my own personal ptrojects I have worked with people with thos esame specific interests, and it's paying dividends.

I have also made the decision that current affairs and personal politics are not allowed in the game room. Furthermore, I will not judge people by their opinions where those opinions do not relate to either gaming or my friendship with them.

If you cannot accept that a friend is not a clone of you and your opinions, then you yourself are no friend. I have friends who are just to the Right of Ghengis Khan and some who are so far Left that they think the Guardian is holy writ. That's their choice and not mine, but where we all agree is on gaming and love for each other - That's what matters.

Focus on the things you all agree on, and you'll have some seriously good gaming sessions. Add into that a well curated collection and that will act as a force multiplier. It's that simple.

At the end of the day, buying the latest 'hip' rule system or simply throwing money and attitude at your hobby won't satisfy you for long.

TTFN