Where have the days/male grooming products/armies gone?

Talk about a busy week... 

All the windows and doors have been replaced, with the exception of the kitchen window which the company is going to replace free of charge, and will be about 4 weeks down the line. The current window is only 3 years old, so it's not as if it's urgent, unlike the rest.

Work has been a bit heavy too, which was just what we needed before spending our weekend de-cluttering under the house and the bedroom, filling an 8 yard (standard builders size) skip with stuff we have never unpacked since we moved here from our previous larger house. When I say 'filled', I mean just that and it must weigh about 6 tons.

We kept about 1 ton of stuff, which we'd simply forgotten we owned, such as my wife's photography stuff, several hundred CDs and the like. I threw out 9 bin bags of clothing which is now too large for me - well, it went to a charity shop as much of it was really good quality stuff such as merino wool jumpers (6 of those) shoes, two bespoke suits - you get the idea. Given that I wear paint spattered rags most of the week, to work in, I simply don't need more than three wardrobes full anymore.

Monday, the next stage begins, with my builder tearing apart the bedroom and then re-plastering, before decorating it all. Then we can get the radiator replaced and moved, the new fitted bedroom in and finally the carpet, four poster bed and console table. THEN, we can put all our clothes back in their rightful places in the first week of May!

I've ordered all the figures and commissioned the painting for my Dutch-Belgians, totalling 970 infantry and 172 cavalry as well as 12 artillery pieces. Towards the end of the year I'll add another 200 infantry and then that will be all of the Dutch-Belgians at Waterloo completed. 

I've also planned the next 728 fantasy figures (it's getting a bit silly now) which will give me about 4700 pieces. I'll stop at 5000, I promise.

Summer is looming, and so we will see the  unwashed 20-somethings who seem to hold scruffiness and bad personal grooming as holy writ, in what's seemingly a belief that 'real' gamers should be grungy little bastards (more usually grungy, obese, bastards).

What is the hobby coming to?

The aromatic spicy air which accompanies these 'gods of the hobby' at shows will replace the crisp, clean air we have enjoyed since November.

I really wish these types would miss out on the next 'must have' range - I mean, you'll only cast it aside in a couple of months, folks - and buy some good quality soap and deodorant for the year ahead. In fact, forgo the next few GW releases and you could probably buy a nice washing machine, which if you sit on it will 'get you off' because, smelling like you do, women - unless nasally disabled or unfussy - are going to avoid you, with the same enthusiasm with which you avoid warm water and a flannel.

For the sake of the rest of us - GET A WASH BEFORE YOU ATTEND A SHOW. 

If you are offended by the above - suck it up buttercup! After all, the rest of us have to suck up your body odour.

Speaking of shows, where are all the second hand, well painted armies, since 1999? That was about the last time I saw a bring and buy with anything truly worth buying - and I did buy it - in the way of fully painted, well painted armies.

One of the things I always loved was happening upon another army at a show. I could spend a four figure sum without any effort on a bring and buy, whilst these days, finding anything at a show that costs more than a few pounds is a rarity?

As the older generation has passed on, the tendency for crappy little 'factions', 'warbands' and 'un-armies' has become the norm. Look, I know that people say they can't afford big armies, but if they focussed on a couple of periods, and didn't have the attention span of goldfish with ADHD, they could build big, proper 'all growed up' armies and experience the joy of playing battles which actually look and feel like real battles involving armies.

There are enough plastic figures available, that if you can't afford real metal figures, you can still have superb collections. Of course, you may blame the lack of figures on being bullied into wasting money on soap... I confess that I now look at the price of a bottle of olive oil and consider how many figures it could by me, but I do have plenty of soap and deodorant.

Historically, I was a gadfly myself, so I know how it is, but I've learned to focus a little more - the fantasy are the perfect example. Don't waste your life on painting 30 figures a year if you want to use them for games. As the late Ian Smith stated 'Flags, faces, bases'. Get those right and the rest falls neatly into place. 

All your tedious efforts at shading will vanish on the table, and let me be honest here, you may fine that those old Minifigs your opponent painted in 1980, look every bit as good as your 'Big Box Industries' modern masterpieces.

If you are a painter rather than a gamer, I understand, but life is too short if you are going to spend more time painting than playing with those little lead men.

Well, if you will excuse me, the Memsahib will be waiting for me to move some more bags to the skip...

TTFN